7 Great Healers

Today I am going to talk about the 7 great healers. These healers are not people or something outside our selves. These healers are our attitudes, our habits. They are the way we live our lives. So, without taking anymore time let me introduce you to these 7 great healers.

FAITH…is deep belief that you can heal. The healer you have faith in might be god, universe, nature, your higher self or your body.
Do you have faith that your condition is heal-able?

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY…taking responsibility for your health and for your life is a big step. Blaming others, blaming situation or blaming god  makes you a victim as you give away your power to something external that you have no control over. Taking responsibility empowers you and motivates you to act towards healing. 
Are you ready to take COMPLETE responsibility?

FORGIVENESS…is allowing that part of your soul to heal which is stuck in a hurtful situation of past. It is freeing your soul. Whom do you need to forgive? Do you need to forgive yourself? Are you willing to forgive?

LOVE… is complete non-judgmental acceptance of what is. It is acceptance of ourselves as well as others 110% completely, without any ifs and buts. And knowing everything and everyone is perfect with all the seeming imperfections. Love is another name for peace. 
Are you at complete peace with who you are? Are you able to appreciate people around you as they are? Are you at peace with what is?

GRATITUDE...is realizing how blessed you are. Counting your blessing. Taking time to FEEL thankful. Be thankful for something as normal as being able to see, it is a great gift and you have countless such gifts, count as many as you can. 
What is that you are taking for granted without which you life will be less of a blessing? What is that you want more of but are not grateful for whatever little of it you have at present?

QUESTIONING YOUR BELIEFS… is your path towards enlightenment. Question everything you believe irrespective of where it came from – father, mother, teacher, your religious texts, anywhere at all. Beliefs shape our world and our experiences. It is in your best interest to keep the beliefs that are helpful and allow you grow and expand and heal. Throw all the unhelpful beliefs out!
Is my belief about this _ true?

MINDFULNESS…is the great assistant of the above six healers. It assists you
1. to know whether you truly have faith or not 
2. to know whether or not you are taking complete responsibility. 
3. to know whom do you need to forgive, or have you truly forgiven 
4. is this action based in love? 
5. to acquire vision to see even the minutest thing, in the darkest of corners that you should be grateful for. 
6. to bring to your notice the beliefs that are keeping you stuck 

Permission to not do

Last week I was feeling so overwhelmed and anxious. I had a biiiiiiiiiigggggggg to do list. Which included writing a blog and sending my first newsletter. My mind was in complete chaos. I was feeling stuck and angry. Then later that day me and my husband went for our usual long walk and he could feel my anxiety. He told me "I think you work better without deadlines". OMG! Why didn't I realize this on my own! He was so right.

Now I don't know whether or not it is the same case with you. But, even if it isn't, ask yourself what makes you the most productive.

That night I just went to my bed and did my regular ritual of  affirmations and recalling all good things that happened during that day, and just slept off. Next day, I decided that I will do nothing until and unless I genuinely feel like it. I decided that if I don't feel like it I'll postpone my newsletter till eternity and same with the blog post. OK I am kidding, not eternity! But I gave my self permission to do whatever feels good, even if it means staring at nothing throughout the day or might be spending the whole day on Pinterest.

Just giving myself permission to take a break & permission to not drag myself into performing continuously, was magical!

I spent first few hours of the day just doing regular things but without any hurry. It is powerful to JUST BE.
I was feeling much better now, and I felt an urge to write my blog. So I wrote my blog and then published my newsletter as well. The work felt so peaceful, as if giving myself permission to not do filled me with energy to do.

My heart was till craving for more break and more of just being. So I listened and agreed to do so. Now it has been a week and I have only worked for few hours here and there and only when I felt good. And now I am back, feeling more energized to do my work in the world.

This whole thing was a reaffirmation that -
I am important. 
How I feel is important. 

It felt like self-love. It felt like freedom.

And this what I learned
- deadlines don' work for me
- always listen to what your heart is craving for
- take a break & give yourself permission to just be

Now it is your turn. What makes you more productive and makes your energy tank full? What is your heart craving for now (it might be work but it might also be taking a break)? Are you willing to give yourself permission to do whatever your heart is craving for?

Approval Addiction - Part 2 ... How does it steal away your health?

We all know how addiction to alcohol, smoking, food or even shopping affects our health, our mood and our life. Alcohol can damage your kidneys, smoking can damage your lungs and overeating can make you obese and cause serious health issues. I know. I know. I know that you know this. But, did you know that "approval addiction" can cause serious health issues? Take a moment here and think!

 (You might want to read the my earlier post "Approval Addiction - Part 1", if you have not already read, before reading the rest of the article)

(Warning: the next paragraph is a little technical!)

Let me start by explaining quickly how illness manifests in your body. Your thoughts give rise to emotions which gives rise to health or lack of it. If you know about Law of attraction, you know how when you focus your attention on something for good amount of time, it manifests! On similar lines, when you have a painful belief which leads to painful emotions for a prolonged period of time, it manifests in illness. Where and how in body does it manifest can be explained by the chakra system. Chakra system is an Indian system that identifies 7 major energy centers in our body. Just like you have digestive system, nervous system and circulatory system; similarly you have energy system in your body which consists of seven energy centers. Each of our beliefs can be linked to one of the energy centers and these energy centers in turn are linked to one of the organ systems of our body. Healthy beliefs and attitudes means healthy chakras means healthy organs means healthy you.

OK let's come back to Approval Addiction.

An approval addict hides behind her mask not only her awesome self but also the pain of not being able to show the whole of her true-self. The pain of feeling unworthy of showing the real you is, trust me, HUUUGE!
Approval addiction is born from fear and leads to more fear, pain, unworthiness, self-hatred and sadness of being alive without actually living! Can you imagine where this mountain of pain gets stored? Where else!? Yes, you are right, it gets stored in our body. And it effects all your energy centers! It effects each and every aspect of your life - relationships, social life, self-esteem, career, money making ability and of course health! See how deadly is this slow poison of Approval Addition?

We have to mindful about how we live our life and how we take decisions, big or small. Whenever you take a decision it has got to be either an attempt to get approval or an opportunity to shine.
First one is easy but, but a slow poison.
Second one is tougher but is routed in love. And will not only free you from all kinds of shackles but will also lead to good of everyone involved. Yes, even if right now you don't understand how. Second one is healing. Second one is a passport to your true life and of course healthy and fit body.

Whenever in doubt ask
"What would be my decision if the only approval I need is of myself?"

Now list down the things that you would do differently if you had all the approval you need. (Remember you only need your's)
eg:
1. I would get a short hair cut after years of thinking about it. Easy to manage! (My friends had always advised me against a short hair cut and had succeeded in  making me follow their advice because I needed their approval.)
2. I would share my blog on Facebook page. (When I did this first time, trust me it was scary!)
3. I would dress up myself in a way that feels good to me
4.
5.

OK. now go and do it! For your best life and best health!

(Everything I had on my old list has been ticked off :) ) Just sharing, next thing on my new list is public speaking!

Approval addiction - Part-1... What is it? Why is it such an evil? How to get approval anyway?

What is approval addiction? Well! You can say you addicted to approval when your happiness and self worth is determined by what others think of you. When your dominant thoughts are - What are they thinking about me? Do I appear well dressed to them? Are they thinking I am too fat or too ugly? How do I impress them? How do I make them love me? - then you know you are addicted to approval.

I was explaining all this to my husband. I was explaining how it takes you away from your right life because you are no longer focusing on yourself, your talents and your abilities and are busy pleasing others. How approval seeking makes you wear a mask, or might be masks, and hides your real self from the world. How it fills you with resentment because you feel completely out of touch with who you really are or, even worse!, you might be completely confused in first place about who you truly are. How it sucks the life force out of you. And this makes you sub-consciously hate the very people you seek approval from. Terrifying, isn't it!

And then, my husband asked me a million dollar question. He asked me "what if a person wants approval from just this one person he is really close to? And this person can be anyone - your mother, your father, your best-friend, your husband, your wife, or might be someone else whom you really admire. And what if getting that approval makes him truly happy? What if the person feels that it is one of the purposes of his life to keep this one person happy and pleased?" Hmmmmmm..... Nice question! I asked "have you ever seen a person who is desperate for somebody's approval ever truly happy about it?".

 And now I am asking you, my reader, the same question "have you ever seen a person who is desperate for somebody's approval ever truly happy about it?".

Personally, my answer to the question is a big "noooooooooooooooo". 

Why?

• Approval is always about hiding your true-self. It is about doing something that you wouldn't have otherwise wanted to do or being someone that you are not. It is all about pretending.

• It creates an illusion of love. Yes, illusion! When someone loves you when you are wearing that mask there is no love, in first place. They love that mask not the person behind it. When there is no love, what do you fear loosing by not pretending? Why so much attachment with the illusion?

• When you are seeking approval chances are you are living in another big lie. Lie that you love the person you seek approval from. My dear, again it is not love. Love always feels clean. Love is about thinking of the highest good of the person you love. Love is not about you pleasing someone. Approval seeking relationship will soon fill with resentment for two reasons - 1) even after all your efforts you might never get enough of it 2) even if your exterior looks OK trying to please, your subconscious knows that you long to be loved as you are.                                                               Having said that, I would like point out that I am not asking you to be indifferent to requirement and emotions of people around you. What I am talking here is about accepting and loving your real-self completely and then presenting it in the world lovingly and as it is. This extreme self-acceptance will soon extend to accepting others as they are and inspire them to do the same. Yes, opposite of approval-seeking is not indifference, the opposite is loving self-acceptance.

• Now, here is the deal, I believe that purpose of anybody's life can never ever be to get approval or to please someone. Why? Because it is sooooooooooo disrespectful to who you really are. It is disrespectful to the one who created you. It denies the truth that each one of us is perfect. It creates an illusion that you need to be someone you are not in order to be lovable. That you are not worthy unless you wear a mask. Nothing can be farther from the truth. Your purpose can be or rather always is to serve someone but never to please anyone.

How to have all the approval you will ever need?

Confused!?? Are you thinking if seeking approval is so bad and if I am so against it then what is the need for this section in this post? Read on to find the answer!

Those who know about law of attraction, know how important it is to feel good. Whatever you want to attract in your life you must already feel abundant about it. This is true for approval as well. 

• Start by approving of yourself and everything about you. tell yourself that it is OK and safe to show your true self. If all approval you ever have is only your's, it is enough!
• Get into the feeling of being surrounded by people who love you as you are. As if you already have their approval. How would you feel? How do you think your true-self looks like? What would you do? How would you dress up? How would you communicate? How will you body language be? What career will you choose? What spiritual path will you follow?
• Think of real people who will love the true you. Look for them among your friend or someone whom you truly admire or someone from history or someone famous. Collect their pictures and make a collage out of it. Keep it at a place where you can see it every now and then and can feel loved and inspired to be your real self.
• Gather the courage! The people who don't approve of you might not disappear from your life but you will attract many amazing people who will love the true you. You will attract your tribe! So, now go and gather the courage to take the steps and let your true-self shine!

Do share your comments, feedback and related stories!

Your body knows even what your mind doesn't

Our body is a really miraculous being! Just before my recent India trip my old knee pain came back and this time it was a really bad one. I had hard time climbing up the stairs and even getting down. I was feeling miserable. But, along with my knee pain being back something surprising happened. I completely lost my interest in ice-creams. Yes, you heard it right! Ice-creams! Someone who knows me well also knows how much I love ice-creams. I was really surprised by sudden and complete disinterest in ice-creams. I even tried to force myself into it, but I found myself responding to ice-creams like would have responded to horrible tasting and sickening stale food. I had no idea what was going on!!!

I finally gave up and thought I should just listen to my body. I had a tough time refusing to ice-creams offered by my loved ones on my India trip. (In India, food is “The way” you show affection towards someone. That’s the way you pamper someone, especially if you are meeting the person after a long time. )

In the meantime my knee pain had got worse. I decided and visited a doctor nearby. The doctor advised me not to have cold things. COLD THINGS!!!???? So no ice-creams, no cold drinks …. He also advised me to keep myself warm and not to expose myself to cold weather + plus some rest to my knees till they heal.

I was already avoiding cold things and cold weather. Thank you, body! J J I was stunned and full gratitude at the same time! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!©©©

But, I was not giving rest to my knees at all while it needed it badly L L

Now after approximately one month of resting and listening to my body, my knee is still healing and the process is on. (I am also feeding myself with natural sources of calcium – like unhusked sesame seeds and ensuring that I spend at least 15 mins in sun to get natural vitamin D)

Moral of the story – “Your body knows even what your mind doesn't. So, first follow the instructions of your body and then, if you wish to, you can search for the logic behind it.”

Crying is not weakness

Few weeks back me and one of my friends, as it won't be fair to disclose her name, lets call her Mary,  were  chatting on phone. She was having hard time with her boss at work. She felt offended by the way her boss was treating her and decided to resign. Before leaving the job she wanted to communicate with her boss about what made her feel bad and the reason she had to take this step in-spite of having no other job as back up. While we were talking it came up that, even though she was so desperate about speaking with her boss there was something that was very strongly holding her back. After listening and talking for a while we found out the culprit - the belief that "Crying is a sign of weakness and helplessness" - and she was afraid that she would begin to cry in front of her boss and look like a helpless victim.

Let me tell you, a belief is neither right not wrong it is only either helpful or unhelpful / limiting. If it is helpful keep it. If it is unhelpful dispose it and replace it with a helpful belief.

It is funny how we humans tend to judge everything and classify it as right or wrong, good or bad and then on the basis of that judge ourselves. It is painful when doing something feels liberating but our beliefs don't allow us to do that. And then we choose to suffocate rather than find the belief and then question it. If there is anything truly powerful next to being aware, it the power of questioning. Questioning your beliefs. Questioning the reason behind doing the things that does not make you feel good and yet you continue doing. Trust me! Questioning is really very powerful and life transforming!

Coming back to Mary, at the end of our conversation + a little bit of coaching she realised that - crying is not weakness, it is just a form of expression. We cry when words are not enough for expressing the depth of what we are feeling at the moment. And when you express completely without bothering about being judged, you are doing an act of great strength and self love.

If you are interested in knowing more about benefits of crying click here. No! I am not trying say here that crying is a virtue. I am just saying that it is just a form of expression - neither good nor bad.

I feel grateful about this conversation with my friend because it always reminds me about completely and without any hesitation expressing yourself. Thank you Mary!

Would love to know your thoughts and stories about your struggles and victories with self-expression. 

Miracle of detachment

Detachment is a miracle tool which allows us to keep the thinking part of our brain aside for sometime and allow our observer self to observe from a neutral point of view. Let me first clarify what do I mean by thinking self and observer self. Your thinking self is the part of your brain which does all the calculations, which judges, which differentiates right from wrong and which labels things as good and bad. The observer self just observes, there is no judgement, you just observe and become witness to what is. In today's world most of us only use the thinking part of our brain. The result is either grasping or aversion. Either we live in constant fear of loosing something we love or we fight and feel anger towards things we don't like. The result is - becoming a  victim of the situations.

The opposite of being victim and of grasping and aversion is detachment. Detachment is allowing yourself to be aware without judgement and completely accept the present. It allows you to see the the picture and develop compassion.

Recently one of my clients was facing issues at work place. She was angry and frustrated because she didn't feel accepted and felt continuously criticized. After doing some work which allowed her to see the whole truth from a detached perspective, she was able to see the situation from a point of compassion rather than anger. Her story changed and she realized that her colleagues were feeling insecure in her presence and feared that she might be a threat to their job. She was able to see them as someone who needed compassion rather than her anger. Change in perspective alone, without having to change the real situation, made her feel more powerful and loving at the same time. This is the miracle of detachment - being able to find peace in the present. Once you do this you can definitely work towards a better future, you don't have to stay in the same situation permanently. There are two ways to look at it. One, once you at peace with your present situation you are left with more energy and liveliness to concentrate on better future. Second way of looking at it is, you have learned your lesson in love and compassion (if you look closely you will realize that all the lessons in life are about love and compassion, so that you learn to love in every situation) and  you don't need the situation any more, so life brings something new, the situation changes.

Steps towards detachment / awareness / happy life:

1. Meditation is a great way to develop awareness. Set aside some time for meditation. Initially 5-15 mins might be enough. There are many meditation techniques. Do your own research, see what suits you and commit yourself to giving it a try for at least four days. Four days is what you need to set up a routine (There is a complete book written by Martha Beck about the magic of the number four).
2. Is relationship with any person troubling you right now? Just try for yourself if you can see the situation from a different angle, might be from the angle of another person involved in the story. You don't have force yourself to believe they are right. You just need to see if you can tell a more compassionate story.

Please do leave your comments and feedback.

Taking Risk!

RISK! Until recently mere thought of this word used to make me feel freakish. The worst kind of risk for me is the one that involves speaking with my loved ones about a topic where my views are completely different and clash of thoughts is almost certain. But then I am not a person to compromise and live a life where I make my inner self unhappy. What do I do?!!! Fight?! Yes, fight seemed to be the only way out. I used to assume that my family will not understand me and I have to fight to get what I want. After all, you can't have it all. You have to choose between living your life on your own terms and maintaining good relationship with your loved ones who think differently. But then, I know that its my thoughts and believes that design my life and determine the final outcome. I decided that I want both and started telling myself that it is very much possible. But still I was not able to summon up enough courage to initiate the discussions and talk openly about how I felt. And then the guidance came in the form of a book "The joy diet" by Martha Beck. There is a complete chapter about "Risk" where the reader is required to take a risk and without that one is not allowed to proceed to the next chapter. Here are few lines from the book that really made me take the required action -

"Taking risks that may help you achieve your dreams is the only way to challenge the fearful beliefs that have kept you from achieveing them already. It provides empirical evidence to support or disprove your various hypothesis about how the world works. It breaks down the boundaries set by fear, and this will decimate the constraints that
are keeping you from your right life."

"Any risk worth taking is worth taking whether it leads to success or failure. The criterion by which you should decide which dangers to face, and which to avoid, is not your chance of succeeding but the depth of your desire."

Finally, insipte of feeling the fear, I was able to summon the courage to speak openly. And guess what!...........mine was an happy ending!

From this incidence I have understood that the only way to live your life to the fullest is to take risks inspite of fear, knowing that what ever happens after that will be for your highest good.

Wish you best of luck for all the risks your going to take to get closer to heart's true desire :) !

Healing Hurt and Creating Love

In everybody's life there are some people with whom we share significant amount of time everyday and also a common space. We call these people family members. They have a great impact on how happy we are with our life. We depend on them for their love, care and understanding. But, when relationship with these very people becomes abusive and hurtful we start feeling trapped. We feel that there is no way out and start blaming each other for the way we feel.
But the good news is just like every other problem on this earth, this problem also has a solution. Solution is "LOVE & FORGIVENESS". Yes same age old mantra of love and forgiveness comes to our rescue.
Here are the steps to heal your hurt and create love in any relationship.

1. Take responsibility. Throw away your victim mentality. Stop feeling like a victim of the situation. Understand that every thing is impermanent and very changing. Know that you are the architect of your life and unwanted things will change if you take complete responsibility of whatever is happening in your life. This is step 1 of solution to any and every problem that exists and will ever exist.
2. Make a list of feelings that you feel when you see that person or think about that person on a sheet of paper.
3. Sit in a quiet and comfortable place and tell yourself that this particular situation, just like every thing in this universe,is ever changing. Affirm aloud "  My outside world is just a reflection of who I am. I am open to change and as I change things around me change as well."
4. Understand that any healing takes place only with love and forgiveness. Now perform a small ritual. Burn the list that you had prepared in step two with an intention that you are letting go all these feelings and see your feeling of hurt burned into ashes and now you are left with a heart willing to forgive.
5. Sit with your back straight and take few deep breaths and prepared your mind for next step of healing. Now affirm aloud "Forgiveness and love is the only solution to every problem in this world. I choose to forgive 'the person's name'  as well as myself. I forgive ... I forgive....and bless myself and 'the person's name' with love, happiness and health ( Visualize both, yourself and the person, to be happy and feel the happiness and love within yourself) As I do this, I set myself free from all hurt and past experiences. Only love and forgiveness is left behind.I create new and beautiful experiences for myself. I choose to see only positive in myself and 'the person's name' and as I do this I am giving birth to a beautiful relation between two of us."
6. Repeat step five for at least few weeks and continue for a longer time if you feel the need , you will actually see your relationship improving. 
7. Whenever any negative thoughts appear about that person, just remind yourself that you have decided to see only positive in that person and bless that person with love an happiness. Blessing dissolves any feeling of hatred.  

Any time you come across a person who tries to hurt you, just remember these words by Thich Nhat Hanh "When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.”  Forgive and bless the person, it will surely heal the person but first it will heal you.

Choose to see only POSITIVE !!

I am sure each one of us wants to live a happy life, full of happy situations and wonderful people acknowledging and appreciating your wonderfulness, and at the same time you enjoying all aspects - personal, professional, financial, health, etc- of your life to the fullest.

Is it possible to live such wonderful life? Is it possible to have it all? Yes, it is and i'll tell you how.

Make a choice. Choose to see ONLY positive. Yes, this is the key to living a life of your dreams ( I am assuming that you dream of a happy life :) ;) ). 

Everyday perform a small ritual. Follow these steps:

1.     Choose a quite and comfortable place for yourself. You can go for a quite corner of your home or to your balcony, garden or any other place that is comfortable and peaceful.

2.     Sit with you back straight ( this ensures proper flow of energy in your body)

3.     Close your eyes

4.     Observe your natural breath for a minute or two, till to start feeling relaxed and completely present in the moment.

5.     Take 5 deep breaths

6.     With calm  and peaceful mind start thanking God or Universe or Nature or Your Higher Self, depending on whatever feels comfortable to you and aligns with your belief system, for all good and positive aspects of the following:

1)       Personal Life

2)       Professional Life

3)       Abundance

4)       Health

5)       City, locality and home

6)       A particular situation that does not feel so good

7)       People around you - colleagues, family members, friends ...... thank for all good things they have done and still do for you .... feel good about them by remembering all good qualities they posses

8)       Your life partner

9)       Yourself ..... take your own time and remind yourself about all the wonderful qualities you have ... and feel love for yourself while you do this.

Thank for smallest of blessings and feel gratitude within yourself. Feel how important this blessing is in your life. Count all the positive traits of people around you and also include yourself.

7.     Now affirm,

“I choose to see ONLY positive in all situations and aspects of my life”

“I always choose to see good in everyone including myself”

“I see myself and others with love”

This ritual will soon train your brain to see only positive and you will see your life flooded with positive situations and people. After all, like attracts like. 

Detachment

Detachment ....... law of detachment... sounds familiar???? no?
For law of attraction to work , law of detachment has to be applied simultaneously.
Detachment has been identified as first step towards being happy and living more fulfilling life and also the first step towards spiritual growth by many religions of the east. But still many doubt that if someone is detached how can he still be able to love his family, friends and people around him. How can a detached person be a good citizen of the world?
One needs to understand that detachment is different from indifference. When you are detached you see things as they are, you see things from neutral point of view, you are not biased, you are not happy or sad, when detached you are just an observer. In day today situations or problems detachment helps you take right decisions without being blinded by bias and victim mentality.
When you are trying to attract something in your life, a better job, perfect life partner or any other thing, you need to be detached throughout the process, you should not get panicky or impatient, there should be deep faith that what you are asking for will be given. You just need to know precisely what do you want and be prepared to receive it because it is going to come for sure.