Friday, 17 February 2012

Healing Hurt and Creating Love

In everybody's life there are some people with whom we share significant amount of time everyday and also a common space. We call these people family members. They have a great impact on how happy we are with our life. We depend on them for their love, care and understanding. But, when relationship with these very people becomes abusive and hurtful we start feeling trapped. We feel that there is no way out and start blaming each other for the way we feel.
But the good news is just like every other problem on this earth, this problem also has a solution. Solution is "LOVE & FORGIVENESS". Yes same age old mantra of love and forgiveness comes to our rescue.
Here are the steps to heal your hurt and create love in any relationship.

  1. Take responsibility. Throw away your victim mentality. Stop feeling like a victim of the situation. Understand that every thing is impermanent and very changing. Know that you are the architect of your life and unwanted things will change if you take complete responsibility of whatever is happening in your life. This is step 1 of solution to any and every problem that exists and will ever exist.
  2. Make a list of feelings that you feel when you see that person or think about that person on a sheet of paper.
  3. Sit in a quiet and comfortable place and tell yourself that this particular situation, just like every thing in this universe,is ever changing. Affirm aloud "  My outside world is just a reflection of who I am. I am open to change and as I change things around me change as well."
  4. Understand that any healing takes place only with love and forgiveness. Now perform a small ritual. Burn the list that you had prepared in step two with an intention that you are letting go all these feelings and see your feeling of hurt burned into ashes and now you are left with a heart willing to forgive.
  5. Sit with your back straight and take few deep breaths and prepared your mind for next step of healing. Now affirm aloud "Forgiveness and love is the only solution to every problem in this world. I choose to forgive 'the person's name'  as well as myself. I forgive ... I forgive....and bless myself and 'the person's name' with love, happiness and health ( Visualize both, yourself and the person, to be happy and feel the happiness and love within yourself) As I do this, I set myself free from all hurt and past experiences. Only love and forgiveness is left behind.I create new and beautiful experiences for myself. I choose to see only positive in myself and 'the person's name' and as I do this I am giving birth to a beautiful relation between two of us."
  6. Repeat step five for at least few weeks and continue for a longer time if you feel the need , you will actually see your relationship improving. 
  7. Whenever any negative thoughts appear about that person, just remind yourself that you have decided to see only positive in that person and bless that person with love an happiness. Blessing dissolves any feeling of hatred.  
Any time you come across a person who tries to hurt you, just remember these words by Thich Nhat Hanh "When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.”  Forgive and bless the person, it will surely heal the person but first it will heal you.