Thursday, 7 February 2013

Miracle of detachment

Detachment is a miracle tool which allows us to keep the thinking part of our brain aside for sometime and allow our observer self to observe from a neutral point of view. Let me first clarify what do I mean by thinking self and observer self. Your thinking self is the part of your brain which does all the calculations, which judges, which differentiates right from wrong and which labels things as good and bad. The observer self just observes, there is no judgement, you just observe and become witness to what is. In today's world most of us only use the thinking part of our brain. The result is either grasping or aversion. Either we live in constant fear of loosing something we love or we fight and feel anger towards things we don't like. The result is - becoming a  victim of the situations.

The opposite of being victim and of grasping and aversion is detachment. Detachment is allowing yourself to be aware without judgement and completely accept the present. It allows you to see the the picture and develop compassion.

Recently one of my clients was facing issues at work place. She was angry and frustrated because she didn't feel accepted and felt continuously criticized. After doing some work which allowed her to see the whole truth from a detached perspective, she was able to see the situation from a point of compassion rather than anger. Her story changed and she realized that her colleagues were feeling insecure in her presence and feared that she might be a threat to their job. She was able to see them as someone who needed compassion rather than her anger. Change in perspective alone, without having to change the real situation, made her feel more powerful and loving at the same time. This is the miracle of detachment - being able to find peace in the present. Once you do this you can definitely work towards a better future, you don't have to stay in the same situation permanently. There are two ways to look at it. One, once you at peace with your present situation you are left with more energy and liveliness to concentrate on better future. Second way of looking at it is, you have learned your lesson in love and compassion (if you look closely you will realize that all the lessons in life are about love and compassion, so that you learn to love in every situation) and  you don't need the situation any more, so life brings something new, the situation changes.

Steps towards detachment / awareness / happy life:

  1. Meditation is a great way to develop awareness. Set aside some time for meditation. Initially 5-15 mins might be enough. There are many meditation techniques. Do your own research, see what suits you and commit yourself to giving it a try for at least four days. Four days is what you need to set up a routine (There is a complete book written by Martha Beck about the magic of the number four).
  2. Is relationship with any person troubling you right now? Just try for yourself if you can see the situation from a different angle, might be from the angle of another person involved in the story. You don't have force yourself to believe they are right. You just need to see if you can tell a more compassionate story.
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