Thursday, 28 February 2013

Honor your need for a space just for you!

I have always treasured my private space, physical private space, where I could spend time with myself, my books and my daydreams. A space which reflects who I am, where no one would come and interfere with my sacred time. And I have always been lucky enough to have it. I had my own bedroom as a child and then even in my college I managed to either have a single room for myself or find a corner in the room or somewhere in the campus where I was left alone for a long as I please. Library was my favorite place during my post graduation. And now I have a study room cum home-office of my own and I simply love it!

But, I still encountered a few people in my life who could not really understand the significance of it, in fact even people who are really close to me just understood that this something important to me but I doubt if they really understood "why?". I would wonder at times if I am weird or is there something wrong with me.
I learned to make peace with the question unanswered and learned to accept and appreciate this need lovingly. Finally one day after doing some research I found out the reason for this craving for spending sometime alone - I am an introvert.. Introverts are not people who are shy or under-confident  like the extroverts assume them to be. Introverts are the people who enjoy silence and peace and turn within to find joy and happiness. No one is 100% introvert or extrovert - extroverts have higher percentage of extroversion as compared to the introversion they posses and vice versa.

Introverts feel drained in groups and need some time alone, absolutely alone, to recharge their batteries. They feel more alive and energized when they are alone. This why they love the professions which allow them to have space of their own. Most of the artists, writers, computer geeks, musicians are introverts. For the first time I understood why I always craved for a room just for me and that there is actually nothing weird in this (sigh of relief!).

Do you have similar craving, craving to have a room of your own? Honor your need and see how you can have a space which doesn't allow anyone to interrupt you alone / me time. Right now if you can't think of having a whole room for yourself, see if you can at least have a small corner or just a couch which is only yours.

Take out some free time and dream and DREAM BIG about your ideal private space. Visualize, feel, smell and hear how your dream room looks and feels like. See the details color of the walls, color of the floor, color of your furniture, what type of furniture do you have in there, what is your room filled with (books or DVDs or might be something else), decorate your dream room in a way that reflects who you truly are. Dream as vividly as possible. Dream as if there is no one to judge you.

After the above exercise just make a note of what you just saw. Write all the details of your dream room. Now go and look for pictures which have elements of the room. You don't have to collect them in one go. Casually look for them when ever your free.  Once you are happy with the collection i.e once you feel that the pictures you have collected represents more or less the space you had dreamt of, you can make collage out of them or just keep the collection in on of the folders in your computer dedicated to this project or if you have collected pictures from magazines you can pin then on a cork board or in a scrap book or you can even make a collage out of it and might be frame it.

The whole exercise gives you clarity about what you really want and once you are clear you can take an action when the time is reap and trust me knowing what you want clearly has some miraculous power of its own. Things start rearranging itself to fulfill your dreams.

Do share your idea of your own dream room.

Thursday, 7 February 2013

Miracle of detachment

Detachment is a miracle tool which allows us to keep the thinking part of our brain aside for sometime and allow our observer self to observe from a neutral point of view. Let me first clarify what do I mean by thinking self and observer self. Your thinking self is the part of your brain which does all the calculations, which judges, which differentiates right from wrong and which labels things as good and bad. The observer self just observes, there is no judgement, you just observe and become witness to what is. In today's world most of us only use the thinking part of our brain. The result is either grasping or aversion. Either we live in constant fear of loosing something we love or we fight and feel anger towards things we don't like. The result is - becoming a  victim of the situations.

The opposite of being victim and of grasping and aversion is detachment. Detachment is allowing yourself to be aware without judgement and completely accept the present. It allows you to see the the picture and develop compassion.

Recently one of my clients was facing issues at work place. She was angry and frustrated because she didn't feel accepted and felt continuously criticized. After doing some work which allowed her to see the whole truth from a detached perspective, she was able to see the situation from a point of compassion rather than anger. Her story changed and she realized that her colleagues were feeling insecure in her presence and feared that she might be a threat to their job. She was able to see them as someone who needed compassion rather than her anger. Change in perspective alone, without having to change the real situation, made her feel more powerful and loving at the same time. This is the miracle of detachment - being able to find peace in the present. Once you do this you can definitely work towards a better future, you don't have to stay in the same situation permanently. There are two ways to look at it. One, once you at peace with your present situation you are left with more energy and liveliness to concentrate on better future. Second way of looking at it is, you have learned your lesson in love and compassion (if you look closely you will realize that all the lessons in life are about love and compassion, so that you learn to love in every situation) and  you don't need the situation any more, so life brings something new, the situation changes.

Steps towards detachment / awareness / happy life:

  1. Meditation is a great way to develop awareness. Set aside some time for meditation. Initially 5-15 mins might be enough. There are many meditation techniques. Do your own research, see what suits you and commit yourself to giving it a try for at least four days. Four days is what you need to set up a routine (There is a complete book written by Martha Beck about the magic of the number four).
  2. Is relationship with any person troubling you right now? Just try for yourself if you can see the situation from a different angle, might be from the angle of another person involved in the story. You don't have force yourself to believe they are right. You just need to see if you can tell a more compassionate story.
Please do leave your comments and feedback.